She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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