first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
