Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
