It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize