i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize