moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
