i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Houston, we have a blender
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
