Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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