I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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