Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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