I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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