i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
