Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
