Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
