i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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