We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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