I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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