Someone shit on the floor
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize