Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
