She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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