nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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