grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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