She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
