i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize