My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
