you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
