I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
