worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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