It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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