im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dicks are not precious.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
