things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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