You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Mom said you looked used
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
