She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize