I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize