Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
