then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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