that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
