Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
