I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
