you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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