I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
