A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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