My underwear smells like fireworks.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
