dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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