Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
being pregnant is like rehab
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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