I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
