Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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