Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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