im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize