You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
