Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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