just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
