I'm gonna have a badass scar
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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