i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
