It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
