apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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