What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
