I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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