watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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