thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
