a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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