He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize