i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
