She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
