Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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