I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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