i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
