if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
