You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
