I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
