once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
