I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
