how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
