We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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