True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
