dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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