I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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